WATERFALL

2002 summer newsletter

Dharma Talk - Eshin

We’re practising to wake up to who we truly are. Then to carefully practise that awakened self. To wake up to who we truly are isn’t to be a different person. Fundamentally we are the character we are. However, we close down when we’re not at ease with ourselves, doubting ourselves in some way. This becomes very apparent when we do something very simple such as zazen or seated contemplation. This contemplation isn’t to look at things and build up knowledge about them but to be naturally and intuitively aware of ourselves and how we interact with our surroundings.

When we start, and for a long time after, we get caught up in our thought patterns or internal dialogue. Our thought patterns can, at times, be our intelligence trying to resolve something about ourselves and our situation. At times it is just being spaced out or day-dreaming. We feel unfulfilled and often try to fix ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with this intent. Yet how we usually try to fix ourselves is to force something to come about. Indeed we should try, but often we try too hard or in some cases we don’t try at all.

The way to fulfill ourselves is not to be caught up in ourselves. This is what we practise in zazen or seated contemplation. We allow things simply to be. We allow the sounds of the bird. Allow the sounds of the street hockey. We allow the colors. We allow the smell and texture of the air. In letting all simply to be we become closer, more intimate. At first the sounds, colors and smells seem outside of us; something that we are hearing, seeing or smelling. This objectifying falls away. Then there is just pure hearing, sounds are already heard. Pure seeing, things naturally seen. We could also say we are at one with the sounds of the birds, the street hockey or the smell and texture of the air as it passes our skin. We say ‘at one with’ but, really, ‘I’ cannot be at one with. It is simply the state of being complete where we are, similar to being totally relaxed, completely with, no need to try because we’re already with the sounds, the colors.

Our thought patterns contain a subject and object. We think about something. We find at times there are gaps between our thought patterns. We’re willing to let go our concerns with ourselves and be completely present in this moment. Thought patterns well up again. We’re told not to suppress or hide them. The same with emotions, not to suppress them but not to externalize them. Externalize can be by acting them out or making a story about them. Same with thoughts. Just let them be. Not hiding, not indulging. This is to become one with ourselves. Please consider this carefully. Usually we think about ourselves, take ourselves as an object, step back and look at ourselves, put labels on ourselves. We look at how we relate and then think about it or put labels on it. We look at our life situation, then think about it, put labels on it. We’re taking ourselves and our life situation as an object. Not hiding our thoughts, feelings and sense of our body; and not indulging or being caught up in them. By letting them be we become at ease with ourselves. Check this out in zazen!

We start realizing there are gaps in our self concerns. We see that these gaps are simply times of waking up in this present moment and we begin to grasp who we truly are. To be awake and aware as this present moment. However, we don’t stay in that complete state. This is a long, gradual practise. Sometimes we’re caught up in ourselves. Sometimes we let go into simply being present with ourselves, with where we are, and who we’re with, in that moment.

During this gradual practise we should make a good, strong effort with a good spirit not get attached to ourselves. Finding a middle between, on one hand, being too concentrated and tight and, on the other hand, being too scattered or blankly quiet. We release the old, chronic doubts, self concerns and tensions. Somehow we trust that it’s fine to simply be ourselves in this present moment, together with this moment just as it is. Sitting here in zazen - surely it’s not such a problem!! We hear the birds. Simply sitting as the bird sounds. Even if thoughts well up about ourselves and our situation we don’t get involved in it. In this simple situation of zazen we start to wake up to nothing else than the fullness, the completeness, of ourselves melted with this moment.

In the activity of our ordinary everyday life there are many times when we fall into the completeness of an action or moment. We don’t realize it even though we do it many times day. Let’s begin to notice those moments when we just let go and are not separate from what we are doing.

In continuing our practise we come to see that when we involve ourselves totally in what we’re doing, then we let go the sense of being apart from things. We become at ease in doing the activity, being the activity. Then the sense of a reflective self wells up and we can know that a moment before we were totally at ease. Now we might still be at ease but there is a sense of a reflective self together with others that have arisen with us. In awakening to who we truly are we go though innumerable steps of more fully realizing that we’re not apart from where we are. This is not something that we just realize with our mind, standing apart and thinking we’re at ease. We’re at ease while in the involvement with our surroundings, with others.

We begin to see more clearly our true self is not something we can hold up and say ‘here it is’. It is by giving ourselves, surrendering ourselves, to the activity of this moment, with what’s going on with others, that we truly find ourselves. It sounds paradoxical but it isn’t. Before we consider things good or bad, liking or disliking, grasping or avoiding, loving or hating, we find we manifest things just as they are. It is not a case of surrendering and remaining blank and passive. In surrendering we let go of the standpoint of being separate from things. In surrendering we truly find ourselves, truly come to life, in the inter-actions of what we’re doing and who we’re with. We become more willing to engage in this present moment and to accept the various situations that come up in our lives.

Then we respond to the moment. Here arises the practise of being careful in the inter-actions of self and others, of self and situation, of self and surroundings. During our gradual practise there is a cleansing or becoming free of all these constrictions, tensions, doubtings and influences from the past. It occurs little by little. We start becoming free to more fully engage in the circumstances of our life as it unfolds. We become more vital in engaging in the moment by moment, day by day, aspects of our life. We practise not getting involved in blind reactions of liking and disliking, love and hate, good and bad, grasping and avoiding. We respond with the feeling intelligence, perhaps it’s intelligent feeling!!, of our natural wisdom to different types of people. Not so much from the view of our internal satisfaction but from the mutual inter-relation of two people. As our mind becomes clearer there is a natural insight or intuitive wisdom present. We know for ourselves just how things and others are. There is a Zen saying ‘put your hand under water and you know for yourself if it is hot or cold’. When a clear mind meets people we reflect just how they are. Direct knowing. Then there is the careful practise of not holding back but inter-acting with differing people, with differing situations, in differing ways.

As wisdom deepens we see the old habits and restrictions in others that hold them back. This doesn’t mean they are bad or wrong people. They are just simply caught up in themselves. Caught up in the doubts, restrictions and tensions of the past. Then we react in a way that cuts across old habits, or brings out in the other person who they truly are. This is becoming free to be careful in our practise. To be careful doesn’t mean thinking too much about things or holding back. It is the opposite. It is fully letting go into the full engagement with others and our life situation but with a developing wisdom, the wisdom of the bodhisattva without trying to be a bodhisattva.

Zen practise doesn’t have a goal in terms of who we’ll end up being. It is in the unfolding of our life that we bring forth or mature the potential of ourselves. The point of Zen practise, the point of our lives, is to fulfill who we truly are. Who we truly are is the inter-action, the bridge, between self and other, inside and outside, self and surroundings. We bridge both without them being apart. In fulfilling ourselves this way, without knowing it, others are allowed to fulfill themselves. This is the path of maturing what it is to be a human. There are no signposts, no labels, to say what it is. In our practise we truly find ourselves, we manifest our true awakened selves, in an unknowing-knowing way.

Dharma Talk – Giko

Giko has been Roshi’s main translator for many years. He produces a ‘Translation News’ at times. This is from the May 2002 issue.

One of the words Joshu Roshi uses quite often is ‘zuijun’. The first character means to follow or obey. It has, however, a rather free-flowing feeling to it. It is used most commonly in the word ‘zuihitsu’ which means to ‘follow the brush’. Zuihitsu is an old word used to describe writing prose in a stream of consciousness sort of way. Just writing whatever comes into one’s head. So it has a kind of free-flowing nuance to it. It implies that the activity is following a rhythm that is right in each one of us. ‘Jun’ means order. So, to me this word ‘zuijun’ has in it both a free-flowing element, and a rather strict, exacting element.

Surfing is, maybe, a good practise and a good metaphor for all dharma practise. A dharma surfer rides the dharma activity. The zuijun phrase Joshu Roshi uses the most is ‘Dharma no hataraki wo suijun suru. Freely follow the dharma activity’. The wave of the dharma activity is everywhere, all the time. It is right in all of us. We practitioners are striving to ride the wave ourselves. The nature of that wave is a continually repeating process. One way to describe that process is into four phases; living, not needing to live anymore, dying, not needing to die anymore. Substituting the words, ‘breathing out’ for living, and ‘breathing in’ for dying is another way to talk about the process. Or maybe it could be analyzed as being born as the living self, living, not needing to live anymore, being born as the dying self, dying, not needing to die anymore. Another way is to name these phases sambhogakaya, nirmanakaya , and dharmakaya, and see that there are two kinds of all of these three. The essential nature of all of the phases is to be zero, to have no fixated self.

To zuijun the dharma activity, to obey it flowingly, to ride it, is a very exacting and strict affair. It should be free of sleepiness, or fuzziness. It should be very well done, very clear, very precise. When we do zazen, for example, we should do good zazen. We should know what we are contemplating and not do other things. But, zuijun should also have the quality of freedom, of surfing, of moving with one’s own natural rhythm of breathing and holding the breath. Ideally it is an obedience that has no conflict in it. It is not being a slave to some ‘higher’ authority, because there is no part of us ourselves that is not the dharma activity.

The wave we ride extends from the core of our bodies, to the air around us, to the great cosmos all around. The real speed of this wave, it is taught, is tremendously fast, as fast as time itself, and yet we can ride it in the rhythm of our breathing.

From Mike Henley

I think of cat.

Does she think of me?

She is already Buddha.

Like marks on a ruler,

The call of birds

Measure my day.

Sitting,

I am an abandoned tent,

Breathed by the wind.

When a bird sings

Outside the zendo,

I am the ears of God.

Buddha cat,

In her black robes,

Contemplates on the windowsill.

From Gareth

No need to try to be,

just to be. I cry.

No need to try to die,

just die. I cry.

No need to try to be alive,

just be and thrive.

A thousand years of trying

slip away. I cry.

The pain ends and Fall

gives way to Spring again

The water breaks and life

rebirths anew. I cry.

So easy, no need to try,

nor even a need to be.

Everything Alive

Your smiling radiant

face for years a mask,

two dimensions I saw

only objects in my universe

now yours, too, radiant

eyes behind which burn

alive. You are!

The birds singing the roar

of cars and children

singing. Everything

buzzing alive.

Hosen Osho of Bodhi Manda ZC in New Mexico visited the Zen Centre for a few hours on June 13 th while traveling through. It was her first visit here and a chance for her and Eshin to meet.

Spring seemed very busy and the newsletter got put on low priority. Here it is, late, and combined with the summer newsletter to make a spring/summer issue. Enjoy.

Over the holiday season the back fence was rebuilt, the usual Grand Cleaning took place on the last day of the year, and a Great Pot-Luck Lunch was held on New Years Day. Fun for everyone! Thanks to all for making it happen.

The monthly zazen-kais started with a large one in January full of strong sitters. Let’s hope we keep this up.

The annual administration meeting was held in January. There were reports from the president, treasurer and abbot. The consensus was that the Centre was stable both financially and member-wise. The five directors; Gareth, Ian, Martina, Brad, and Eshin; were re-elected. They form an effective team with plenty of practical and business experience.

The Zen Centre has some boxes of Eiju, an excellent sandalwood incense, for $15.

Sangha News

Taking time for training at Bodhi Manda Zen Center this spring were two local families. Joni, Jose and their baby son Bodhi. Michelle with her three girls Rebecca, Orissa and Nel; John remaining on Bowen Island .

Kazumi was the artistic director of a performance of 'Divine Sky High', a fusion of Zen chanting and Improvised Contemporary Music. It was part of Asian Heritage Month. The performance on May 11th at the Pendulum Gallery was very well attended and received.

Eshin, Brad, Gareth, and Corinne traveled south to California for sesshin with Roshi this winter.

Carlo Piroso spent the night at the Zen Centre following the February sesshin. Sadly, he heard that his father had died that night and made immediate plans to return to his family. Condolences to Carlo and all his family.

Contributions

The Centre asks for a contribution from its friends. This is a way to support the Zen Centre itself and to repay benefits from the Centre’s practise. A contribution of $20 per month is expected and many contribute $35 or $50 per month.

Thanks for all the donations this spring from Alcvin, Bill, Bob, Brad, Branko, Brent, Chris M, Chris R, Dale, Gareth, Gladys, Hosen, Ian, Jane, Jason and Laura, Jason M, Jerry, Josie, Kazumi, Keith, Ken N, Ken S, Kim, Martina, Michael L, Michael W, Mike B, Mike H, Moreen, Mukul, Corinne, Norm, Paul, Rajvir, Roy, Steve W, Steve J, Stuart, Yuki and the many anonymous donors. Thank you !!

Thanks to the anonymous donor of some excellent Zen books for the library.

Thanks for all the muscle power contributed by our members. Dale, Brent, Branko, Kim, Aaron, Gareth, Eshin, Kazumi (use of truck) in building a new back fence. Kim, Kazumi, Aaron, Myorei, Eshin, Branko, and Paul Clark for the year end grand cleaning.