WATERFALL

2003 summer newsletter

Eshin – Zen illness

The principle of our practise is very simple. Just be straightforward, clear and naturally focused as we devote ourselves to our lives. In time we truly come to find ourselves in our life activities. Body and mind come together, inside and outside come together, past and future come together in this moment.

Along the way old irrational emotions, habits, tensions and vexations surface. Accepting them, letting them be without indulging or reacting to them, is how we become free of their influences. They are often seen as psychological problems which need fixing, but are better described as out-of-balance states. Sometimes specific practises can help restore innate balance and wholeness. If a person is unable to handle what comes up then psychological help may assist along side their Zen practise.

Someone asked why I never talk about Zen illnesses. I’ll do so now. Zen illnesses aren’t psychological problems. They arise from doing Zen practise incorrectly. At the end of the Wu-men Kuan (Mumonkan) is Wu-men’s summary of Zen illnesses. Here is one translation:

“To maintain standards and follow rules is to tie yourself without a rope.

To indulge freely without restraint is to behave like heretics and demons.

To maintain the mind in solitary depths is the specious Zen of quietism.

To give rein to the will and ignore karma is to fall into the pit.

To be alert and never unclear is to wear chains and an iron yoke.

To think good and evil is to belong to heaven and hell.

To have a Buddha view and a Dharma view is to be enclosed by two iron mountains.

To treat each thought as realization is to trifle with your spirit.

To cultivate samadhi is to practise in a haunted house.

To proceed is to stray from the truth.

To retreat is to violate the Tao.

Neither to proceed nor to retreat is to be a corpse with breath.

Now tell me, what do you do?

Work hard for realization in this life or you will have regrets eternally.”

“To maintain standards and follow rules is to tie yourself without a rope”. This is self-evident. In a sesshin we have rules and a structure. But our practise isn’t just doing the rules correctly. The rules are to guide our practise. The rules are helpful at first with our monkey mind. But there’s the danger of just making the rules our practise.

Wu-men follows wisely with “To indulge freely without restraint is to behave like heretics and demons.” Here he goes to the other side and says just doing whatever you want is to be like heretics and demons. On one hand we don’t want to be mindlessly constrained but here he says be careful what freedom really means. I’ve been talking a lot this week that our nature is inter-related. All our actions have results because of this inter-relatedness.

“To maintain the mind in solitary depths is the specious Zen of quietism.” When we do zazen it’s easy to fall into a mistaken idea of samadhi, thinking it is just sitting quietly. After we sit a lot we may fall into states of emptiness. This may be a stage in practise. Later we find we arise in vital form within that emptiness. We quieten unnecessary thoughts and reactions and as we do so a clear vitality arises. He then says “To give rein to the will and ignore karma is to fall into the pit”. To give rein to the will we may think is to just do what we want but a deeper meaning is to get absorbed in our self-centered actions. We then ignore karma. People usually take karma as an object. What is karma? It is to notice when it’s a rainy day and be fully engaged in a rainy day way of being. It is to notice when it’s a sunny day and be fully engaged in a sunny day way of being. Karma isn’t some object, some thing outside this present moment. We wilfully devote ourselves to this moment, not to some-thing/time else.

Next Wu-men says “To be alert and never unclear is to wear chains and an iron yoke”. Even after we’ve been practising a while this is an easy one to fall into. We may think zazen is to try to sit with a clear mind, to sit without thinking. I rather like his earthy humour. When we have a goal like that to our zazen we wear chains and an iron yoke. “To think good and evil is to belong to heaven and hell”. This is when we compare and judge from a subjective standpoint. We start saying ‘this is good’, ‘this is bad’; ‘I like this’, ‘I don’t like that’; ‘this is nice’, ‘that’s not so nice’; ‘Oh, I’ll take that’, ‘I’ll avoid that’; ‘this is a nice person I want to be with them’, ‘Boy, what a person, I want to avoid them!’. We all do this at times, we should take care with this. Situations may be good or bad from the wisdom of the intuitive and unitive way but Wu-mem warns of coming with preconceived, subjective, biased and usually self-interested opinions.

“To have a Buddha view and a Dharma view is to be enclosed by two iron mountains”. In Buddhism we talk of form and emptiness. To take form and emptiness as separate things is to ignore the phrase in the Heart Sutra ‘form is none other than emptiness, emptiness is none other than form; form is emptiness, emptiness exactly form’. There can be a stage of practise where we take these as two things but if we get attached to this view we become enclosed by two iron mountains. “To treat each thought as realization is to trifle with your spirit”. We all have our interesting movie in zazen. We view things and get insights as the movie plays. Movies and insights are fine but they are just movies and passing insights. The real sense of our spirit is our engagement with our life. Next Wu-men says “To cultivate samadhi is to practise in a haunted house”. This seems to happen when people don’t have at least a reasonably good sense of themselves. They start getting subjective samadhi experiences and begin to make those more real than their normal self. Perhaps they don’t like themselves so much as a human being. In going into this haunted house there are many rooms, there are many states of consciousness. People new to Buddhism think there are all sorts of levels and states of consciousness, or psychic powers, or special consciousnesses. There may be but the danger is getting caught up – ‘cultivate’ Wu-mem says - in them and making them more real than us as a human being. Wu-men has a good image, it’s a haunted house, the person is like a ghost. We need to love and appreciate ourselves as we truly find ourselves in our life activities. This is the true samadhi of action, not the minor subjective samadhis.

“To proceed is to stray from the truth”. There is an old instruction – don’t be goal orientated. It could also be - don’t try to get somewhere other than this present moment and don’t engage in a way that is not cognizant of the situation. “To retreat is to violate the Tao”. Not to engage in this moment’s situation is to retreat from the way. Wu-men then goes on to say “Neither to proceed nor to retreat is to be a corpse with breath”. On one hand we shouldn’t have gaining ideas beyond what the situation calls for but on the other hand we shouldn’t just say ‘everything is just as it is’ and be complacent and uninvolved. Otherwise we end up dead while alive . So what do we do? This is Wu-men’s next phrase “Now tell me, what do you do?”. Zen teachings are pointers for us to find our own way. We can’t just copy them, we have to internalize them in the practise of finding ourselves. Wu-men concludes “Work hard for realization in this life or you will have regrets eternally”.

Gareth – sesshin practise

Leading a fairly self-centered life and having way too big a small mind, with a tendency to show off and assert control, I find that sesshin practice works well for me to manifest, step by little step, my truer, naturally more loving and engaged, bigger self. Underlying my various “hang-ups” or habits is an inner harangue of judgmental, preparatory and self-rationalizing dialogue; and below that, a pool of occasional anger and a deep well of fear: a fear of . . . does it really matter what? These mental habits and emotions derive, like everyone else’s, whatever form they take, from a basic lack of self-confidence. After more than half a lifetime of trying to figure out where these stumbling blocks come from and then “solve” them, I now have complete faith that, instead, the only way forward is simply to be here, now, fully engaged in whatever I’m doing and with whomever or whatever I am engaged. And, above all, through simple, straightforward action.

Easier said than done.

But sesshin practice, as I’m sure anyone else who attends can attest, offers endless opportunities to engage in the practice of, as Eshin puts it, letting go, arising and acting in relationship; or, as some past Zen sage put it, giving rise to a mind that dwells on no one thing. Recently, I’ve been doing the jikijitsu position at sesshins. Holding this or either of the other two positions we have in our sangha--tenzo and shoji--is no greater or lesser a sesshin practice than being a student. However, the positions do provide very clear relationship situations in which to practice.

For example, take something as apparently simple as leading kinhin. What could be more straightforward than walking? I find, though, that when I try to lead kinhin by imposing a particular pace or pattern, it doesn’t seem right. But if my “leading” melts into being part of the whole group walking and where we are, the pace and pattern arise naturally, without effort, and the group falls closer and closer into sync, as I manifest my true nature in allowing others to manifest theirs. I’ve also been doing mokugyo, where I similarly find that setting the pace of chanting with a steadfast, regular beat melts into the group’s chanting. Who is the leader and who is the follower, I do not know. Certainly, we don’t need to serve in positions of responsibility for such connections to arise in sesshin practice. Similar connections arise, for example, in chanting: are we chanting individually, or is our voice part of the whole group? As sometimes expressed, chant with the ears.

Other aspects of jikijitsu practice are more challenging: making corrections, for example. But here, too, the distinction between myself and the person being corrected gradually begins to dissolve over time, and the corrections become more compassionately driven and more effective in helping the other person become more fully engaged. Surprisingly perhaps, the most difficult thing I’ve found for myself is doing the great bows before the butsudan, which the jikijitsu does many times each day during sesshin. Perhaps because of my tendency to perform and try to look good, I find it difficult to let go fully and arise during these bows. Interestingly, something seemed to change during the last sesshin, when suddenly I had to sneeze in the middle of the first of the three bows. I can’t say whether or not I let go totally--one never can know--but it made me laugh, and the rest flowed. Bowing generally is a tremendous practice of letting go, connecting and arising.

All of these experiences are merely “passing scenery,” to use another Eshin expression. But throughout all the inner struggles of sesshin--running the gamut from constipation and sleeplessness, to pain and outright terror--and throughout all the incredible “highs” and sometimes hilarious incidents -- like the cat insisting on leading kinhin around the forest path, we’re engaged together as a group. As the days pass, the countless and subtle interrelationships take clearer and more natural, loving form and expression. I am deeply grateful to all those who share sesshin and to the lineage that gave rise to this great form.

Myorei - love

As I practice I love myself more and more. I sit still within emotional turmoil and come to accept it as part of myself.

There is the natural tendency to block painful emotions, to repress them with the belief that to be sitting well is to be totally free of emotions, or at least free of the ones seaming weak or negative. Sometimes it is easier to be strong and controlled and forget about the weird feelings inside. But to repress oneself, to be at war with oneself is the practice of control, not zazen. Practice is not trying to purify or perfect the self nor overcome what we see as negative, practice is about accepting and loving the self including the awkward bits.

It is also tempting to act emotions out and project them on someone or a situation. This is distracting oneself from owning the rawness by seeing the origination outside of us. To see others or situations as the problem and nothing wrong with us is escapism, not zazen.

Practice is not to be at war with others and the environment, practice is about loving others.

When we don’t repress or express our emotional states, we have the opportunity to just be present with them. We then can look fully and directly at them, and start the process of making peace with them. By doing so, we start to love one-self in order to love others well.

I have found that when I treat the parts of myself that I don’t like with friendliness and acceptance, they become much less powerful, and they lose their strength to push me around.

Centre News

In June a yard sale was held as a fund raiser. Thanks to everyone that donated items with special thanks to Terry and Peggy who gave so much. It raised a little less than usual and probably reflects everyone’s place having been emptied out for previous sales.

The May sesshin was full at fourteen people, this being the most the facility on Galiano Island can hold. Weather was ideal, not too hot and not too wet. The sesshin saw several non-Vancouver people, Moreen from Victoria, Dorothy and Patrick from Dawson Creek , Carlo from Kitimat and Judith from Prince George . Next sesshins are August and November.

We’ve tried differing start and end days for the sesshins thinking some people may find certain days best. It seems Saturday to Saturday is most suitable and most popular. Future sesshins will be in this format.

The centre’s costs have been going up, especially in this last year or two. Insurance and property taxes increased about $800 and $500 respectively, other items have been creeping up. So, after ten or more years without a change, the directors have decided to increase sesshin fees to $375 and zazen-kais to $25. The directors noted that, while a basic membership of $20 a month is requested, it’s suggested that a membership of $35 or $50 be considered, and many members do contribute generously at those levels. The centre is grateful of all the support it receives.

Buddha’s Birthday ceremony was held on May 11th. This was a time to appreciate the centre's practise and lineage starting from Shakyamuni and continuing through Rinzai-ji. A good number of members attended and all enjoyed a picnic pot-luck lunch in the garden. It was a pleasant occasion for the sangha to enjoy widely varied and delicious food among good friends.

The Victoria Zen Centre now has a new zazen schedule and a new zendo. Check it out on the last page of this newsletter or on the web and contact Eshu if you have any questions. The new schedule includes Sunday talks that are open to the public and an Introduction to Zen course lasting several weeks.

The Bowen Island Zendo now has a web page at www.zen.ca. There are several sits a week at John and Michelle’s place. However, changes are happening. They are looking for a house to rent in Vancouver for a year starting this fall. Anyone know a place? Call them at 604.947.0467 if you do.

The Zen Centre has some boxes of Eiju incense available for $15. Eiju is an excellent sandalwood incense for home use.

Sangha News

On June 25 Sokai and his wife Marie visited the centre and were able to stay for breakfast. Sokai is responsible for Rinzai-ji’s Hakuun-ji in Phoenix , Arizona . They had come to Vancouver to visit his family and buy a mokugyo.

Eshu and Niki’s second child is on its way. Due date is mid-January. Congratulations to them both!!

Eshu is also busy with his nursing study and part-time work.

Chris Massey has made three excellent keisakus for the centre. A couple have been given as gifts to other Rinzai-ji centers and his reputation has spread. Unfortunately good wood is very difficult to find otherwise a very original new career could have been started in North America !!

Eshin and Myorei plan a visit of about six weeks to Europe this fall. It will be a time to meet families for the first time.

The Zen Centre will continue as usual with the support of the core practitioners. Eshin is looking for someone to stay at the centre for safety reasons. It’s possible a monk from Rinzai-ji may be able to come for this period.

Contributions

The Centre asks for a contribution from its friends. This is a way to support the Zen Centre itself and to repay benefits from the Centre’s practise. A contribution of $20 per month is expected and many contribute $35 or $50 per month.

A great thank you for all the donations this spring from Adrian, Branko, Brent E, Brent G, Bryson, Chris M, Chris R, Fred and Louise, Gareth, Gordon D, Gordon G, Ian, Ivan, Jason and Laura, Jerry, John D, Judith, Lorena, Martina, Mike, Paul, Peggy, Peter, Pouyan, Sokai and Marie, Steve, Stuart, Susan B, Susan T, Terry, Travis and the many anonymous donors. Thank you !!