We all have a personal self – the sense of ourselves. In our modern Western culture this is strongly emphasised. We may doubt, worry or think we have an inadequate self, but nevertheless we don’t doubt we have a self.

Buddhism says something quite radical. It says there is an aspect of ourselves that is not this personal consciousness. At first this sounds unbelievable because we think our personal consciousness is solid and permanent.

Zen practice, particularly zazen practice, investigates and contemplates the nature of ourselves. Through this we can discover that the personal sense of ourselves completely drops away at times. For example, we think, conventionally, that “we” laugh. Looking closely we discover we let go into laughter. Conversely, laughter becomes us. The personal consciousness is dropped, lost, merged with laughter. We could say we’ve become one with laughter: but we must understand “I” am not at one; oneness is at one. This could be called universal consciousness, but as this could be seen as an objective state Zen prefers to call it no-self, meaning not personal self.

We can discover letting go into an activity in other things besides laughter. This naturally occurs with activities we enjoy or ones that are peaceful, where self assertion is not needed. Musicians will tell you that they must get out of the way for music to appear. This is their way of talking about this. Yeats spoke of “who can tell the dancer from the dance.” When we walk along the seashore or walk in the woods, we often let go into being at one. The sound of the ripples landing on the shore becomes us, the trees and ferns become us. Check this out and discover for yourself.

We have now attained the wisdom that we have two modes of being, self and no-self. Zen practice cultivates the natural coming and going between these two states, moment by moment.

The activity of thus going is to melt into, or dissolve into, the activity we are engaged in. The activity of thus coming is to appear and manifest within the activity of the present place and time. We can also find it in self-negation and self-affirmation, in leading and following, in meeting and opposing. Zen asks us to discover forms of coming and going in all the activities we engage in.

Usually we find we are better at either coming or going. When we are like this we are unbalanced between self and no-self, or subject and object. Ironically, a strong self is needed to dissolve and melt so that subject and object can be in balance. A weak self is not strong enough to melt into and keep a balance. The stronger we are the more able we are to really meet and melt equally in more complex and difficult circumstances. Becoming stronger is simply the steps of developing through thus coming. This, in turn, allows us to develop thus going in more and more circumstances. The mutual interplay of coming and going is the path of developing our character or authentic self.

Often people think of samadhi as a mental state. In fact, samadhi is when subject, object, and their mutual activity become one or integrate. Samadhi is something we do, not something we passively experience.

This coming and going can be investigated in zazen. Quite simply, the posture of zazen is the alert expression of oneness as we integrate ourselves in our abdomen. Breathing practice is a common way to discover and develop coming and going. At first one is aware of the physical breath, but this is dualistic – the self observes the breath. If one has a friendly attitude to the breath and gives oneself to the breath, then in time the mind, body and activity of breathing become one. Mind comes home to the body. Breathing is now experienced as breath energy rising and falling. It is whole-body breathing. The energy rises in the spine as one breaths in, and falls down in front of the body as one breaths out. We breath ourselves in on the in-breath and let go on the out-breath.

Even deeper breathing can be experienced. To breath in is to breath everything in as we appear or come. To breath out is to let everything be as we dissolve or go. The mind-body is transcended, and the breath is the movement between subject and object – between ourselves and the present surroundings. Master Dogen said transcending the mind-body was like the bottom of a bucket dropping out. Having let go of mind-body, out breathing is expanding out – thus going from the abdomen; and in breathing is contracting back – thus coming.

When we do breathing practice with our whole mind-body our old “stuff” or conditioning from the past gets burnt off little by little. Breathing the body in and out brings up old memories and emotions. It’s as if they’re stored in the body. If we do not repress or avoid what arises on the one hand, and do not react or make a story about it on the other hand, a process of cleansing or freeing ourselves occurs. In psychological terms, what is unconscious becomes conscious, and by letting it be we become free of it.

Master Lin Chi (Rinzai) asked his students, “What’s up with you?” He answered for them by saying, “You doubt yourselves.” These doubts come from getting caught up in the old stuff from the past.

As we become cleansed or free over time, coming and going becomes clearer and more vital. It is also practiced moment by moment in our life’s unfolding circumstances. In this way we learn and grow from life’s experiences. When we do not fully become one in going and do not fully manifest in coming, doubt is occurring.

As we own and take responsibility for our practice we find it is life that teaches us. We trust our true self or Buddha Nature that has always been with us and, in fact, is the core of our being. We should remember Master Lin Chi’s exhortation to not doubt ourselves. This is to trust our Buddha Nature. Some schools of Buddhism ask us to do good and avoid doing evil. Zen states that our Buddha Nature is “wholesome,” and when it manifests we do not cause problems. Master Lin Chi also said “Don’t seek adornments, adornments come of their own.” It’s when we doubt ourselves that mistakes are made in our behaviour. When we do not doubt, Buddha Nature can flow as the unified activity of subject and object. When subject and object are unified, we experience others are ourselves. We respond to others as a parent does to their child. The parent lives for the child as much as for themself.
 
Master Lin Chi is reminding us not to try to cultivate some idea of who we should be. In trusting ourselves in the unity of the present our authentic humanness can flower. 

Poems

David Stevenson Overhearing the harbour How lovely the summer’s evening moon beams gleam on the soft purling sea soft too the night voices of people streaming by the shore and the croon of restless seals and the throbbing pulse of the pub music all spilling into splendour under s star spangled sky is it not a wonder form shattering endlessly into emptiness over and over and over again

E’cho My mind’s so thick it reminds me of an old house I once lived in with so many layers of wallpaper we thought we’d never get them all off. I haven’t. David Ashton In a dreamless sleep The Rocky Mountains Stride across the prairies Round cushions Square mats Kind hearts

Centre News

This years Buddha’s Birthday ceremony and potluck lunch will be held at 11 am, Sunday April 27th. Please plan to attend this largest gathering of the year. It’s a festive occasion with numerous flowers and everyone offering tea to the baby Buddha. Spouses and children are most welcome. There will be no 9 am – 11 am zazen that day. The occasion will also mark the official Opening Day of the newly renovated new centre.

Please come and sit again at the new centre. Numbers dropped off during the renovations when people had to cope with tarps, drywall dust and paint fumes. That’s all over, the place is fresh and new and waiting to see you !!

Many new students have been coming for a newcomers’ introduction since our move to the new property. Many are developing zazen practice, and it’s gratifying to have local people join the centre so soon.

Although we all do the same formal practice Eshin is starting a second stream for people wishing to more deeply study Zen. Please contact Eshin if you are interested and willing to commit to regular meetings and retreats in addition to daily zazen. A meeting will soon be arranged for those interested.

A first for the Zen Centre of Vancouver, the February sesshin was held at our new centre. Having the residential rooms just completed but not yet occupied made this possible. Eleven people started and eight finished after the part-timers left. A fair amount of renovation was done during the samu periods. The new indoor kaihan and twice-daily chanting did not disturb the neighbours, which is always a consideration for a city Zen centre. Thanks to all who made it go smoothly. The ending informal breakfast on Saturday morning was very lively, witty, and loving - as the sesshin benefits surfaced and the transition to everyday life began. The next sesshin is May 3rd to 10th.

The residential quarters of the centre are now completed. They are for both Vancouver people and also out-of-towners interested in short-term centre practice. The residents will have daily access to Eshin and will share in the responsibilities of running the centre. If this interests you please contact Eshin for details.

The AGM was held on January 12 when the 2008 directors were elected. Eshin, Ian, Myorei and E'cho continue as directors. Brad resigned as he is moving to Powell River in the Spring. Jonathan was elected as a new director and will bring youthful energy to the administration meetings. The centre does not have a Board of Directors but the directors function through administration meetings that are open to all sangha members in good standing.

This edition of Waterfall uses the last of the reservoir of members’ poems, drawings and articles related to Zen practice. Please consider contributing to future issues. No matter where one is in one’s practice there are stories and hints that can inspire and help others. Just recollect your experience of Zen practice and write. Don’t be discouraged by thinking it must be profound. It’s in one’s everyday practice experience that the truth is found. This edition contains whimsical brush drawings by Vinnie.

If you picked up this newsletter at the centre, please consider giving the Zen Centre your address and email. You can then be added to the newsletter mailing list and the two email lists. One email list is for regular sitters to inform them of last-minute schedule changes; the other email list is for general announcements that go to all members, supporters, and others. You can enter your information in the guest book on the donation table.

Sadly, in February the Victoria Zen Centre chose to leave Rinzai-ji. Eshu had been asked to return his robes in December and is no longer a monk of Rinzai-ji.

Sangha News

Louise passed away in the evening of Tuesday May 18th after her brain tumour had tragically returned. Condolences go to Fred her husband, and Carolyn and Leo her children. After a cremation, Eshin will officiate a funeral service, followed by time for eulogies from family and friends. This will be held at 12:30pm, Saturday April 12th at the North Shore Unitarian Church. Sangha members are invited. Louise had touched many people and many are expected at the funeral.

Jon and Risako are the first residents in the first floor suite of the centre. Their enthusiasm and sense of responsibility are a welcome start to the residency program. Until the other two rooms are taken they will be used for home-stay foreign language students. This will help the centre’s income until Zen students become residents.

On January 27 three Vancouver Zen groups ran a booth at the Kenko (Health) Fair at the Japanese Cultural Center at Nikkei Place. Eshin represented the ZCV and responded to Japanese-Canadians interested in their Buddhist background. Thanks to Risako for translating for Eshin.

Christopher and Kumiko plan to do further training at Bodhi and possibly Mt Baldy starting this spring. Dorothy, from Dawson Creek, stayed a couple of nights when coming to the February one-day sit and to visit her mother in Victoria. Dorothy helped with gardening by showing how to prune the rose bushes the centre had inherited with the property.

Chris Reuten’s grandmother passed away recently. Chris returned to Germany for the memorial and to be with his family at this time.

Donations 

The Centre asks for a contribution from its friends. This is a way to support the Zen Centre itself and to repay benefits from the Centre’s practise. It is the practice of giving and receiving, receiving and giving. A contribution of $20 per month is expected and many contribute $35 or $50 per month as appreciation of the practice and centre grows.

A great thank you for all the membership and general donations since winter: Alex Whitehouse, Attila Szabo, Branko Vrbic, Carlo Piroso, Chikako Poppenberger, Chris Massey, Christian Reuten, Christopher Martin, Dan Shook, David Ashton, Dorothy Michiel, E'cho Sirotnik, Ian Hignell, Jonathan Gallant, Klare Shoveller, Kumiko Yasukawa, Larry Steele, Matt Fitzsimmons, Mike and Barbara Mulcahy, Mike Henley, Paramita Banerjee, Peggy Scott, Reenie Marx, Risako Ota, Rory Workman, Stuart Slind and for all the anonymous donations.

A big ‘Thank you’ for the items that the sangha donates or in the giving of time to help the centre. The last part of the renovation saw Brad, Myorei and Jon drywalling and painting; Dale adjusting and hanging all the doors and baseboards; David for the last electrical fixtures; E’cho, Myorei and Christopher for general help. Thank you all. Thanks to Laurent for genmai-cha; Rory for coffee and riobis tea; Dorothy for gardening tools.